Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Successful Relationships: What factors predict success?

Breakups and divorce are becoming common practice in relationships and marriage, but I'm sure people don't start out say, "Hey, there's a good chance that we will get a divorce in the future. Isn't that nice?" Of course not. But, despite people's original intentions to stay together, people break up. So, what are the keys to successful, lasting relationships? What factors lead to divorce? Do people change after they get married?

Personally, I think a lot of problems deal with unrealistic expectations. I often run into people who are dating people with personal issues and problems and feel that they can change their partners or that their partners will change over time. My suggestion is that people don't marry a "project." If your partner already has personal problems, there is a strong likelihood that the problems will get worse, not better. People who want to marry should start preparing for a relationship years in advance rather than start to change when they meet someone.

So, what do you think on this topic?

Randall

10 comments:

  1. Divorce, like childbirth, is a remarkable thing. It seems, no matter how painful, how prolonged, or how costly, people are usually willing to try again- and again. However, I agree that preparing for a relationship years in advance would be one factor of successful relationships.
    Kim, California.

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  2. This is one of the toughest topics I have ever met for writing. What factors predict success of a marriage relationship? First factor, I think is love; true love or not. True love will lead to successful relationship. Someone would argue with me, what kind love is true love? Because there are so many saying about love: Beauty is the eyes of the beholder; Love is blind; Love is without reason; Love me, love my dog…… I don’t want argue; I only can say is that true love is a true love.
    Second factor is sober or not. When people fall in love, everything is beautiful. They couldn’t think too much about personal issues and problems of their partners. The point is, fall in love is one thing, and get married is another thing. No matter how ‘blind’ when you fall in love with someone, you have to ‘open your eye’ before you get married. You have to ask yourself some questions: Can I stand his/her bad habits? Can I endure his/her problem? If he/she couldn’t correct his/her problem like he/she promised, can I still love him/her? When the answer is "No", you have to be careful.
    The third factor is endurance. Once got married and the family has got built up, we have to keep our promises with each other. Both have to put 100 percent efforts towards family happiness; work together to solve every problem the family is facing, endure each other’s personal issues.
    I think these three factors are the keys to successful, lasting marriage relationships.
    J.S.

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  3. I think the key point to maintain a successful relationship is being tolerance. No one is perfect in the world, and everybody should clearly recognize this truth first. So get rid of those unrealistic fairy tales, stop dreaming of getting married with a prince or a princess. Think about this, if you don’t even know your partner well, how can you spend your life with him / her. Therefore, when we meet someone, try not to fall in love at the first sight. It is necessary for both to get to know each other little by little, including personality, characteristics, etc. You can also share some ideas with him to see if both of you have something in common. As you get to know him more, you’ll see what kind of merits or shortcomings he has. And then it’s the time to decide whether you are willing tolerate his bad habits or something you don’t like about him. If you cannot, just keep being common friends. Because usually we don’t ask our friends much, but we always ask a lot about our partners. If you can accept the whole person, all you can do is to appreciate his/her merits, and get used to all the things you are not satisfied with him. Never forget about this that no one can be changed unless they are willing to change themselves. Then maybe it’s the right time to start going date. Cherish every moment spent with your partners. Try to become a better person by interacting with your partners. Showing respect to each others is also important. Finally, if both of you make up your mind to support each others for the rest of the life, to be the role model of happy marriage in the society, maybe it’s about time to get married. However, good marriage also need to be taken care of well. It’s a long way to go, but this is the responsibility you should take once you have your own family.
    True love is established on trust, respect, patience, tolerance, and gratitude, instead of money, good-looking or advantages. Breakups and divorces will definitely have negative influence on societies and cause a lot of social problems that could not be solved easily or even unsolved. So please try your best to be a better person, try to be reliable, try to ask much of yourself, not others, and try the suggestions I mentioned above. Hope we can have our own successful relationships and marriages.

    Pink, Taiwan

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  4. that's right! if you can't receive one's weakness in his/her humanity, don't get marry!

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  5. Personally, I think any relation should be inside marriage frame . and marriage itself should has strict rules . I mean for example man should pay the woman amount of money that persevere woman's rights if he ask for divorce or she should pay him back if she do ask divorce . The society should also deny and reject any relation out of marriage. That makes people think twice when they get married or get divorce .

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  6. It's natural for people to change over time. Men and women aren't static objects that only get older with time. The key to a successful relationship is to be patient, to love, and be understanding. Don't accept disrespect and don't dish it out. Forgiveness is key. You get out of marriage what you put into it.

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  7. Understanding a partner is a significant factor in relationships.
    "Men are from Mars and Women are from venus" is a really famous book in the relationship. This book discusses the differences between men and women in mentality, and how much they can affect relationships.Men have different attitude and manner. They solve their problem in a different way. So, consequently, paying attention to these differences in attitude cause to understand our spouse so much better. For example, women try to say their problem in order to feel relaxed and being in communication with others, whearas men say something inorder to solve it. So, when a women talks, do not give her a solution, just listen to her!
    when a man talks, give him a solution and say something!

    I think understanding these various behavior and attitude can be very helpful to have a great relationship.

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  8. hi all its a wonderful topic.what predicts a successful relationship?well i would its love, compatibility and understanding each other that predicts a successful relationship.every partner should know everyone has their own space.so they should give freedom to decide about their career children and everything.a couple should not hide anything with each other.a couple should discuss everything and should take a combined decision which is good for family.they should compromise and adjust with other.to be loved and to be in love is really wonderful.

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  9. For sure unrealistic expectation is a huge problem when it comes to successful relationships. Another problem is the misconception that the other person is responsible for your happyness. The best tip for a good loving relashionship, in my view, provided that you enjoy your partner's company, of course, is acceptance and support.

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  10. well,I think relationships,especially marriage can work.It takes however,disciplined people for this to be a reality.While it is good to have expectations in a relationship,one must also be prepared to face the challenges that sometimes take place.Love,commitment first of all to God then to partner,responsibility and accountability to each other are key components that allow for a healthy relationship.One must be prepared to work for the relationship in for the relationship to work. Too many peolple are too lazy to be bothered.

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Thanks for posting a comment. I appreciate your interesting in sharing your ideas.

Best,

Randall